- Are you comfortable in your discomfort?
- If you are in a dead-end job, relationship, or habitual behavior do you kid yourself that things aren’t that bad?
- Do you mask the discomfort with drugs, food, or other dysfunctional behavior?
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Pain: Avoid It or Embrace It?
As I, like others, have faced the great pain of financial loss and insecurity, the anguish of lost trust in those close to me, the discomfort of rocky family relations, and the heartbreak of whip-saw setbacks after thinking I was back on track, it has become clear to me that pain can actually be a helpful element in creating lasting change.
I have also observed many people struggle with their own unique painful circumstances and am convinced that those who actually embrace the pain as a catalyst to make change (not just because it's soooo much fun!) are much better able to rise above it quickly and become better human beings. I am not sure I can think of anything more wasteful than enduring a painful experience and choosing to NOT grow from it!
I strongly believe that we are best able to handle the inevitable waves of change and pain that life crashes over us if we understand and accept the hardness of life as a given from the start.
Naturally, our bodies, minds, and spirits do not like pain and it is human nature to try and avoid it. The problem is that change--especially the worthwhile kind--almost always has some sort of pain associated with it. Unfortunately, if we do not recognize the pain we are feeling and deal with it—head-on—then we miss a huge opportunity to make the changes that propel us forward.
Unfortunately, in contrast to the gut-wrenching effort it sometimes takes to deal with our pain head-on, our society has developed multiple tempting means of “coping” with pain that nearly always prove destructive in the short and long-term. When I say "coping," I mean creating numbness that masks the pain in an unconscious, wasteful attempt to avoid it. We can bring on that numbness with all sorts of destructive behavior that usually turn into lifelong habits: drinking, drugs, physical, verbal or sexual abuse where we try and transfer our pain to someone else, pornography, and eating disorders (including overeating.)
Remembering that our painful moments are life’s unique gift to us to discover and show the world (at least ourselves) who we truly are can be extremely helpful in rejecting these negative coping traps. How we react when faced with painful circumstances is how we should measure our greatness. You may have heard the saying that “trials build real character.” I prefer the perspective that “trials reveal real character.” If we develop an attitude of confidence that we can and a desire to endure and overcome trials we become less afraid of pain and change. Then when we are inevitably faced with trials our character will not just reveal itself, it will grow and we will be ready for the next trial. (Hopefully with a rest break in between though that is certainly not guaranteed!)
Measuring the greatness of our character when things are easy (like during a rest break) is like measuring the greatness of an athlete during warm-ups. This is obviously not correct. An athlete’s greatness can only be measured during the height of competition with sweat, blood and tears flowing freely as maximum effort is made to beat a worthy competitor.
So, like an athlete rises to the fight when things get most painful, steel yourself and avoid the urge to take the thumb-sucking fetal position. Pay attention to the experience and embrace the trial. Ready yourself for the chance to jump to the next level. For the greatest triumphs always follow the most painful lows.
Sometimes it may be difficult to recognize that we are merely “coping” rather than embracing pain. Ask yourself the following questions:
We simply don’t have enough earth minutes to let moments of pain—chances to change—pass us by. On my business card for Bridges To Your Best I added the phrase “Today could be your day.” I don’t mean that maybe something lucky will happen to you today and your life will get magically better. I mean that you can make today your day. I have learned time and time again that luck comes when preparation meets opportunity. We can’t always control when opportunity will come but we can control our preparation.
These moments of pain that we all are faced with are our best chances to prepare ourselves for the opportunities that are sure to come. Just remember that often opportunity disguises itself as a painful trial. With that knowledge you stand a much better chance of benefitting from it if you actively embrace it rather than passively avoiding it.
Good luck. Or rather: Be Ready!