It has been almost 6 months since posting some new thoughts here. The reason is that I have been very absorbed with Bridges to America, my cute, little non-profit. I have posted MANY thoughts on that blog which I hope you will read, including a report on the rescue mission I went on in March to villages in Ghana, Africa.
I have to tell you that I LOVE this work! The problems are deep and the challenges tall but the rewards are significant. I can say honestly that the feeling of digging in and working to try and tackle serious problems in the world experienced by people who really can't help themselves is compelling. For me non-profit work is not some "feel good" or "pat myself on the back" type effort. I have just connected with the problem solver in me and he is happily quite busy trying to solve problems.
All of this leads me to the "G" in BRIDGES; Generosity.
Generosity used to mean to me writing a check to charity or dropping some coins in the cup of homeless person or the Salvation Army's red bucket at Christmas time. But I have learned that generosity in the 21st century really means the following:
1. Engage
No dollar amount of a donation means more than spending time and the mental and emotional energy needed to understand someone's situation and help them. While I cannot run Bridges To America without funding, often the most meaningful contributions people can make is to simply understand and then share our story.
2. Connect
After engaging, we must somehow connect personally to the cause and the people helped by it. We are all so busy in this modern day posting, tweeting, messaging, etc. that we can go days, weeks, or even months(?) without having a meaningful face-to-face and heart-to-heart conversation with someone. Connecting personally to another can be the greatest act of generosity there is.
Bridges To America all started because I saw a very good man separated from his family and in real pain. This only happened because I asked him about his family and he opened up to me about their separation. At the time. the only thing I could think of was how much pain I would be in if I was separated from my family for two years. After that, I HAD to act.
3. Commit
It is an enormous waste of opportunity to find yourselves experiencing #1 and #2 above and then stopping.
Do something! It doesn't have to be big it just has to be meaningful. If it means something to you then you will hardly notice the time and energy it takes to commit and pick up the ball and run with it for the rest of your life.
So, yes keep writing checks because money makes the charitable world go 'round but I would suggest that when you make the effort to find ways to serve, to contribute to others the returns on that investment are compounded because both the person helped and the person helping are elevated.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Groundhog Day--Perfect time for a New Year's Resolution Do-Over!
Happy Groundhog Day! Or is it really February 3rd now?
Ever feel like that?
Sometimes I wish I was Bill Murray in that funnily poignant movie where he repeatedly gets stuck on Groundhog Day until he eventually gets the day, and his life, right. His problem is comically frustrating but also teaches us that with the right mindset every day truly is an opportunity. As I love to say around here: "Today could be your day!" Wouldn't you love the chance to have a "do-over" day until you got your life right?
This year's Groundhog Day made me think of New Year's Day and the resolutions we traditionally make. Groundhog Day marks one full month into the New Year and it occurred to me that many of us who actually went to the trouble of making a New Year's Resolution have, by now, either A) forgotten what we resolved to do, B) already failed and decided to push it out to 2013, or C) are actually keeping the resolution but could use a little encouragement to stick with it.
Well, rather than let another year slip by without making a greater effort at personal change I am offering a reminder and a way to avoid waking up next January 1st, or February 2nd, with the same life we have this year.
I am re-posting my thoughts on resolutions from last year here. I am doing this because the ideas are still relevant, and probably will be as long as there are New Years to celebrate. However, this year I am sharing with you a tool to help you (and me!) not just keep this year's resolutions for change but to help specify who exactly we want to become and blaze the path that gets us there. View it and make it your own by clicking here.
Also, for reference and perhaps a little inspiration I am sharing my own personal goals based on the BRIDGES model. Rather than give you some random example of some fictional character like Joe Bagofdonuts I thought a real set of goals made by me would be most helpful and/or interesting. So, at the risk of forever being haunted by my personal goals and aspirations being accessible to the minions that control the Internet I am posting my BRIDGES plan for life. You can view it here.
So, consider this post my call for a "do-over" for change. And with all due respect to Punxsutawney Phil let's not crawl back into our warm, little den and simply wait out winter, or longer. The day awaits for us to get to the work of planning and making lasting change in our lives.
Ever feel like that?
Sometimes I wish I was Bill Murray in that funnily poignant movie where he repeatedly gets stuck on Groundhog Day until he eventually gets the day, and his life, right. His problem is comically frustrating but also teaches us that with the right mindset every day truly is an opportunity. As I love to say around here: "Today could be your day!" Wouldn't you love the chance to have a "do-over" day until you got your life right?
This year's Groundhog Day made me think of New Year's Day and the resolutions we traditionally make. Groundhog Day marks one full month into the New Year and it occurred to me that many of us who actually went to the trouble of making a New Year's Resolution have, by now, either A) forgotten what we resolved to do, B) already failed and decided to push it out to 2013, or C) are actually keeping the resolution but could use a little encouragement to stick with it.
Well, rather than let another year slip by without making a greater effort at personal change I am offering a reminder and a way to avoid waking up next January 1st, or February 2nd, with the same life we have this year.
I am re-posting my thoughts on resolutions from last year here. I am doing this because the ideas are still relevant, and probably will be as long as there are New Years to celebrate. However, this year I am sharing with you a tool to help you (and me!) not just keep this year's resolutions for change but to help specify who exactly we want to become and blaze the path that gets us there. View it and make it your own by clicking here.
Also, for reference and perhaps a little inspiration I am sharing my own personal goals based on the BRIDGES model. Rather than give you some random example of some fictional character like Joe Bagofdonuts I thought a real set of goals made by me would be most helpful and/or interesting. So, at the risk of forever being haunted by my personal goals and aspirations being accessible to the minions that control the Internet I am posting my BRIDGES plan for life. You can view it here.
So, consider this post my call for a "do-over" for change. And with all due respect to Punxsutawney Phil let's not crawl back into our warm, little den and simply wait out winter, or longer. The day awaits for us to get to the work of planning and making lasting change in our lives.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Tsunami, Sweets, and Resilience
I just read an excellent article in The Wall Street Journal (link at the end of this blog) about a middle-aged baker, in the tsunami-devastated region of Japan who lost everything in March 2011. The story is painful and inspiring all at once.
Painful because I think most, if not all, of us can relate to his loss as the world deals with the financial struggles of today's economy. But more than that, this simple but strong man, dealt with the visceral anguish of the actual loss of family, friends, and livelihood. As I read this well-written article I couldn't help but recognize the familiar feelings of simply just wanting to move on from heartache and start something new while this painful section of my life's road quickly disappears in the rear view mirror.
Don't we feel like that sometimes?! "Things are too tough and didn't go the way I planned, so I am just going to throw in the towel, move on and start over with something new."
There is nothing wrong with starting over but the baker in this story, Mr. Kimura, shows us that resilience is about being true to who you are and the talents and legacy that shape you. Recognize who you have become and what you have to offer the world and then start over! Thankfully for Mr. Kimura he had somewhat unknowingly established a real loyalty from his customers who longed for something familiar; his sweets, in their newly uncertain and completely un-familiar world in post-tsunami Rikuzentaka, Japan.
He says: "I feel a lot of pressure, but it's good because it helps me move forward."
This is what most inspires me. Despite the natural human inclination to give up and try something new; or to take the less productive route of railing against the world while you seek free hand-outs; Mr. Kimura was able to muster enough consistent effort to mount a comeback. The article goes on to describe how he cobbles together a location, the funds, and enough equipment necessary to rebuild his bakery in a borrowed cargo-train car on the side of the road in his hometown.
His story has progressed so far because he first moved. It doesn't matter what the initial catalyst was: his grandmother's words, his customers requests for him to rebuild, the generosity of others cutting him a deal on equipment, etc. The point is he found something to propel him to take the first step. Then he showed the courage to take the next one, and so on.
This story is still in the making but my guess is Mr. Kimura has generated enough momentum now to continue to breakthrough the inevitable challenges ahead and succeed by regaining his livelihood as he delights customers with his increasingly famous sweets.
Mr. Kimura's final words in the article offer great advice from a man of unquestionable courage and resilience.
"In making sweets, things never happen the way you imagine it. And everything seems to take longer than we imagine."
As with Mr. Kimura's bakery, life doesn't reward us with bonus points for things going exactly according to our plan or occurring exactly on our timetable. Rather, we achieve success by fighting through those things, those events, those disasters that threaten to derail us from our ultimate destination of the legacy we dream to leave to the world.
To read the full story copy and paste the entire address below into your web browser.
http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB10001424052970203707504577007550569072874-lMyQjAxMTAxMDEwMjExNDIyWj.html?mod=wsj_share_email_bot
Painful because I think most, if not all, of us can relate to his loss as the world deals with the financial struggles of today's economy. But more than that, this simple but strong man, dealt with the visceral anguish of the actual loss of family, friends, and livelihood. As I read this well-written article I couldn't help but recognize the familiar feelings of simply just wanting to move on from heartache and start something new while this painful section of my life's road quickly disappears in the rear view mirror.
Don't we feel like that sometimes?! "Things are too tough and didn't go the way I planned, so I am just going to throw in the towel, move on and start over with something new."
There is nothing wrong with starting over but the baker in this story, Mr. Kimura, shows us that resilience is about being true to who you are and the talents and legacy that shape you. Recognize who you have become and what you have to offer the world and then start over! Thankfully for Mr. Kimura he had somewhat unknowingly established a real loyalty from his customers who longed for something familiar; his sweets, in their newly uncertain and completely un-familiar world in post-tsunami Rikuzentaka, Japan.
He says: "I feel a lot of pressure, but it's good because it helps me move forward."
This is what most inspires me. Despite the natural human inclination to give up and try something new; or to take the less productive route of railing against the world while you seek free hand-outs; Mr. Kimura was able to muster enough consistent effort to mount a comeback. The article goes on to describe how he cobbles together a location, the funds, and enough equipment necessary to rebuild his bakery in a borrowed cargo-train car on the side of the road in his hometown.
His story has progressed so far because he first moved. It doesn't matter what the initial catalyst was: his grandmother's words, his customers requests for him to rebuild, the generosity of others cutting him a deal on equipment, etc. The point is he found something to propel him to take the first step. Then he showed the courage to take the next one, and so on.
This story is still in the making but my guess is Mr. Kimura has generated enough momentum now to continue to breakthrough the inevitable challenges ahead and succeed by regaining his livelihood as he delights customers with his increasingly famous sweets.
Mr. Kimura's final words in the article offer great advice from a man of unquestionable courage and resilience.
"In making sweets, things never happen the way you imagine it. And everything seems to take longer than we imagine."
As with Mr. Kimura's bakery, life doesn't reward us with bonus points for things going exactly according to our plan or occurring exactly on our timetable. Rather, we achieve success by fighting through those things, those events, those disasters that threaten to derail us from our ultimate destination of the legacy we dream to leave to the world.
To read the full story copy and paste the entire address below into your web browser.
http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB10001424052970203707504577007550569072874-lMyQjAxMTAxMDEwMjExNDIyWj.html?mod=wsj_share_email_bot
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The Marathon of Life
On September 14 I accomplished one of my lifelong goals and ran a marathon. http://bridgestoamericainc.blogspot.com/
I have lots of thoughts and insights that come from preparing for and actually accomplishing a life goal--which you can read about in my upcoming book--but let me share just quickly here.
As I watched people (lots) go by me in the starting miles (and happily only a few in the finishing ones) of the 26.2 mile journey I kept saying two things to myself--
1. This is a marathon not a sprint!
2. Run your race.
It occurs to me that life is exactly like a marathon except for one key difference--we don't know where our finish line actually is. We know it's out there but cannot measure how long we are actually going to be running this thing.
I was able to "pace" myself throughout the race with mile markers along the way that told me how far I had come and I quickly calculated how much further I had to run--seems like that was what I cared about most (are we there yet?!). This critical knowledge allowed me to gauge my strength and calibrate my effort to ensure I would have enough gas in the tank to finish--and believe me that was my only goal this time, to finish.
But in life, even though we mark our time on earth with birthdays we simply don't know how long our race will be. Given that inconvenience (or challenge?) it becomes difficult if not impossible to know how hard to work each day to pace ourselves and not burn out.
Or does it? Just as a marathon race has aid stations along the way with water, fluids, fruit, gels, first aid personnel, etc. (and trust me these aid stations become increasingly welcome and necessary as the race wore on) we have aid stations along our mararthon of life that perhaps we race by too often: friends, faith, exercise, vacations, quiet time.
So what?! What does this mean? What do we do to ensure we finish our race with a personal best performance?
Make life more about making the most of the mile we are currently running and not worry about the next ones. Make it more about who we want to be and what we want to accomplish than worrying about when we will do it. And given the uncertainty of how much time we have to finish our race we best be looking at each day as the extraordinary opportunity it is and enjoy it by simply getting out there and moving!
I have lots of thoughts and insights that come from preparing for and actually accomplishing a life goal--which you can read about in my upcoming book--but let me share just quickly here.
As I watched people (lots) go by me in the starting miles (and happily only a few in the finishing ones) of the 26.2 mile journey I kept saying two things to myself--
1. This is a marathon not a sprint!
2. Run your race.
It occurs to me that life is exactly like a marathon except for one key difference--we don't know where our finish line actually is. We know it's out there but cannot measure how long we are actually going to be running this thing.
I was able to "pace" myself throughout the race with mile markers along the way that told me how far I had come and I quickly calculated how much further I had to run--seems like that was what I cared about most (are we there yet?!). This critical knowledge allowed me to gauge my strength and calibrate my effort to ensure I would have enough gas in the tank to finish--and believe me that was my only goal this time, to finish.
But in life, even though we mark our time on earth with birthdays we simply don't know how long our race will be. Given that inconvenience (or challenge?) it becomes difficult if not impossible to know how hard to work each day to pace ourselves and not burn out.
Or does it? Just as a marathon race has aid stations along the way with water, fluids, fruit, gels, first aid personnel, etc. (and trust me these aid stations become increasingly welcome and necessary as the race wore on) we have aid stations along our mararthon of life that perhaps we race by too often: friends, faith, exercise, vacations, quiet time.
So what?! What does this mean? What do we do to ensure we finish our race with a personal best performance?
Make life more about making the most of the mile we are currently running and not worry about the next ones. Make it more about who we want to be and what we want to accomplish than worrying about when we will do it. And given the uncertainty of how much time we have to finish our race we best be looking at each day as the extraordinary opportunity it is and enjoy it by simply getting out there and moving!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Soul Surfer
(Forgive me for posting this so long after the fact--two months ago!--but the thoughts are real and fresh as I review them today and will hopefully touch you.)
I just returned from watching the movie Soul Surfer with my 10 year-old daughter and a bunch of her friends.
I am not in the business of reviewing movies, in fact I am in the business of delivering perspective and motivation to help people make changes and live their best life, but this movie nailed a couple of elements that are key components to Bridges To Your Best.
STRENGTH
The first thing that hit me hard was this young woman's calmness as she had her arm suddenly ripped off by a great white shark that changed her life forever in an instant, but not the way you might expect. There had to be already present a deep sense of calm about who she was making her way in the world.
RESILIENCE
Despite the enormous internal and external changes that come from a physically-transformative injury like this I am amazed that she had the perspective to change her view of things. Rather than get angry and close off the world, she learned to reach out with one arm physically and her whole soul emotionally to embrace others with love.
GENEROSITY
Despite her physical challenge she went to Thailand not long after the incident to help others deal with and recover from the horrific tsunami. On this trip while helping others she lost herself and found herself on the same trip.
I am amazed at the lack of whining and feeling sorry for herself. Yes, I realize it was a movie but it was based on true events and I was actually pleased to see that she wasn't an emotional robot but rather that she and her family actually did indeed struggle with how to deal with this injury. The key thing is that they all stuck together and fought through the unfamiliarity of what to do and made it to the other side of discomfort.
I am also struck that I have this internal desire to be an example to others and I often think how I would react to a dramatic challenge in my life that I would have to recover from. Of course I don't seek out activities or circumstances whereby I might lose an arm or have the chance to survive some dramatic situation. But then I realized that many, if not all, of us will lose a limb metaphorically in our life. Lost job? Divorce? Death of a loved one? Addiction? We may not have a movie made about our lives but we have the chance to impact the most important audience of all: our families and friends.
I just returned from watching the movie Soul Surfer with my 10 year-old daughter and a bunch of her friends.
I am not in the business of reviewing movies, in fact I am in the business of delivering perspective and motivation to help people make changes and live their best life, but this movie nailed a couple of elements that are key components to Bridges To Your Best.
STRENGTH
The first thing that hit me hard was this young woman's calmness as she had her arm suddenly ripped off by a great white shark that changed her life forever in an instant, but not the way you might expect. There had to be already present a deep sense of calm about who she was making her way in the world.
RESILIENCE
Despite the enormous internal and external changes that come from a physically-transformative injury like this I am amazed that she had the perspective to change her view of things. Rather than get angry and close off the world, she learned to reach out with one arm physically and her whole soul emotionally to embrace others with love.
GENEROSITY
Despite her physical challenge she went to Thailand not long after the incident to help others deal with and recover from the horrific tsunami. On this trip while helping others she lost herself and found herself on the same trip.
I am amazed at the lack of whining and feeling sorry for herself. Yes, I realize it was a movie but it was based on true events and I was actually pleased to see that she wasn't an emotional robot but rather that she and her family actually did indeed struggle with how to deal with this injury. The key thing is that they all stuck together and fought through the unfamiliarity of what to do and made it to the other side of discomfort.
I am also struck that I have this internal desire to be an example to others and I often think how I would react to a dramatic challenge in my life that I would have to recover from. Of course I don't seek out activities or circumstances whereby I might lose an arm or have the chance to survive some dramatic situation. But then I realized that many, if not all, of us will lose a limb metaphorically in our life. Lost job? Divorce? Death of a loved one? Addiction? We may not have a movie made about our lives but we have the chance to impact the most important audience of all: our families and friends.
When will we get there?
When we set off on a run, a ride, or a trip, knowing the answer to the question, "When will we get there?" is key. This information allows us to know when and how much to refuel, rest and refresh.
When we set off on a goal to better our self--increase our fitness, build or repair a relationship, grow wealth, etc.--rarely do we know ahead of time exactly "when we will get there." This is because these goals have naturally vague end points and sometimes it is impossible to know just how far away--or how close!--our destination really is.
How about this? Instead of focusing on the destination so much why not focus on the journey? And, importantly, don't cut short the journey until we have reached the destination. If we learn to enjoy the journey we won't want to stop anyway and reaching the destination, i.e. accomplishing the goal, becomes the natural, happy result of consistent, focused work along our way.
Get on the road today and let your journey begin!
When we set off on a goal to better our self--increase our fitness, build or repair a relationship, grow wealth, etc.--rarely do we know ahead of time exactly "when we will get there." This is because these goals have naturally vague end points and sometimes it is impossible to know just how far away--or how close!--our destination really is.
How about this? Instead of focusing on the destination so much why not focus on the journey? And, importantly, don't cut short the journey until we have reached the destination. If we learn to enjoy the journey we won't want to stop anyway and reaching the destination, i.e. accomplishing the goal, becomes the natural, happy result of consistent, focused work along our way.
Get on the road today and let your journey begin!
Monday, March 28, 2011
STRENGTH: Random thoughts from the gym
I just returned from a visit to the gym. I love going to the gym for the following reasons:
As I was on the rowing machine just inside the indoor track I noticed a fairly obese woman working hard to walk/run the track. As she passed me, sweating hard, I thought about what might be going on inside her head (thinking about her helped me ignore the pain inside my body).
We ALL have things to work on and changes to make in our life, and we always will. What is great about the work involved in becoming physically strong is that--if you do it right--you and others can actually see the results. We know if we are lifting more weight than before. We know if we are running faster than before. We know if our jeans are looser (or tighter) than before. I think the nature of making physical change is actually easier than making mental and emotional change. In the physical change process there's no: "Gee, I feel more positive but I am not sure if anyone is noticing. Maybe my new-found positivity is all in my head." You either lift more or you don't; run faster/longer or you don't; the jeans fit or they don't. It's really hard to play mental games with physical change.
I see lots of very in-shape people at the gym and I think, "Man, how do I get a body like that?!" Then I catch myself thinking, "Well that guy is probably younger, probably has more time that I do to be here longer and more often, probably started lifting at a younger age than I did." And on and on. Then I realize, who cares?! I am on a quest to be MY best. Not someone else's best. I also realize that I may be totally wrong in my judging. I don't know the first thing about 99% of the other people in the gym so making assumptions about them in a perverse attempt to make myself feel better about my own apparent inadequacies is an utter waste of time and mental energy.
Instead, I would be better off remembering that outward (physical) appearances aren't always an accurate reflection of what's on the inside. There are lots of "posers" out there. Don't be one. The world is not made better by faking what a great guy or gal you are on the outside when you are nothing but mentally weak inside. In the same way, it is fruitless to look at people who are in better shape, drive a nicer car, have more money, or just seem happier than we do and decide to give up trying to chase those same dreams because "they" already have them and "they" must, therefore, be better than I am. Sometimes we can't see past the outward "things" that seem to shout success and see inside what might be, in some cases, a pretty messed up emotional life riddled with all sorts of dysfunction and heartache. It's sort of like looking behind Oz's curtain and seeing someone that looks a whole, lot more like Dorothy, or yourself.
Because mental change first happens on the inside it is logically harder to see. I am not aware of an MRI machine that can detect mental growth and strength. (Not yet anyway.) And if we can't (or choose not to) see something we start to think it's not there. And who wants to make efforts to change if there isn't going to be a payoff at the end of the effort?!
In our modern society, especially in Western culture, we have come to expect fast change. We may think: "Well, everything in our relatively short history has happened so fast why would change ever slow down?! Why can't I make change faster because, gee, change hurts and I want the pain to stop! Isn't there a pill for that?"
It takes a strong mind to remember that real change--building strength that lasts--takes time and effort. Yes, from time to time we will founder and not be as consistent as we want to be. That really is "life." But if we can attach our efforts to a bold vision of what we can and want to become then I believe that we will find that slice of mental strength necessary to catalyze our physical and mental growth processes. The trick is, once that's started, is to never look back and never forget that, just like the physical part of our beings, the mental part of us requires regular (dare I say daily?) work and attention.
Let me summarize my observations--
Physical Strength: Outside-In. Notice changes faster. Improves mental strength and confidence.
Mental Strength: Inside-Out. Takes longer for you and others to recognize. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there. This strength enables us to move ourselves and/or mountains.
So, my conclusion is that real strength, the strength that matters, the strength that can move mountains, the strength that changes lives, is inside each of us and no matter our physical appearance we ALL have things to work on.
For people struggling with physical challenges keep moving. And don't quit trying to be your best just because someone else appears to have gotten there first. There is plenty of room in the world for you to reach your goals. Just think of who you might be inspiring along the way! (Like the 43-year old guy on the rowing machine.)
For people who have reached some level of outward success, in fitness or wealth, don't let complacency and/or pride sneak in to your head and convince you that you are just too darned good to need to continually keep yourself mentally strong. Besides, the people in the first group are gaining on you...
- I never regret working out. But I have regretted NOT working out too many times to mention.
- Once I get my workout in I feel physically weaker but mentally and emotionally stronger.
- I feel better about having dessert later that day ;-)
- There are a hundred human stories walking around the gym.
As I was on the rowing machine just inside the indoor track I noticed a fairly obese woman working hard to walk/run the track. As she passed me, sweating hard, I thought about what might be going on inside her head (thinking about her helped me ignore the pain inside my body).
- Did she feel conspicuous around the many others there who were in much better shape?
- Was she just getting started on her weight loss or was she about to quit?
- Does she have any idea that people like me--no world-class bodybuilder but a relatively in-shape 43 year old dude--look at her and feel proud and inspired?
- Would knowing that help her stay on track and continue to put in the hard work to reach her goal for better health and self-confidence?
We ALL have things to work on and changes to make in our life, and we always will. What is great about the work involved in becoming physically strong is that--if you do it right--you and others can actually see the results. We know if we are lifting more weight than before. We know if we are running faster than before. We know if our jeans are looser (or tighter) than before. I think the nature of making physical change is actually easier than making mental and emotional change. In the physical change process there's no: "Gee, I feel more positive but I am not sure if anyone is noticing. Maybe my new-found positivity is all in my head." You either lift more or you don't; run faster/longer or you don't; the jeans fit or they don't. It's really hard to play mental games with physical change.
I see lots of very in-shape people at the gym and I think, "Man, how do I get a body like that?!" Then I catch myself thinking, "Well that guy is probably younger, probably has more time that I do to be here longer and more often, probably started lifting at a younger age than I did." And on and on. Then I realize, who cares?! I am on a quest to be MY best. Not someone else's best. I also realize that I may be totally wrong in my judging. I don't know the first thing about 99% of the other people in the gym so making assumptions about them in a perverse attempt to make myself feel better about my own apparent inadequacies is an utter waste of time and mental energy.
Instead, I would be better off remembering that outward (physical) appearances aren't always an accurate reflection of what's on the inside. There are lots of "posers" out there. Don't be one. The world is not made better by faking what a great guy or gal you are on the outside when you are nothing but mentally weak inside. In the same way, it is fruitless to look at people who are in better shape, drive a nicer car, have more money, or just seem happier than we do and decide to give up trying to chase those same dreams because "they" already have them and "they" must, therefore, be better than I am. Sometimes we can't see past the outward "things" that seem to shout success and see inside what might be, in some cases, a pretty messed up emotional life riddled with all sorts of dysfunction and heartache. It's sort of like looking behind Oz's curtain and seeing someone that looks a whole, lot more like Dorothy, or yourself.
Because mental change first happens on the inside it is logically harder to see. I am not aware of an MRI machine that can detect mental growth and strength. (Not yet anyway.) And if we can't (or choose not to) see something we start to think it's not there. And who wants to make efforts to change if there isn't going to be a payoff at the end of the effort?!
In our modern society, especially in Western culture, we have come to expect fast change. We may think: "Well, everything in our relatively short history has happened so fast why would change ever slow down?! Why can't I make change faster because, gee, change hurts and I want the pain to stop! Isn't there a pill for that?"
It takes a strong mind to remember that real change--building strength that lasts--takes time and effort. Yes, from time to time we will founder and not be as consistent as we want to be. That really is "life." But if we can attach our efforts to a bold vision of what we can and want to become then I believe that we will find that slice of mental strength necessary to catalyze our physical and mental growth processes. The trick is, once that's started, is to never look back and never forget that, just like the physical part of our beings, the mental part of us requires regular (dare I say daily?) work and attention.
Let me summarize my observations--
Physical Strength: Outside-In. Notice changes faster. Improves mental strength and confidence.
Mental Strength: Inside-Out. Takes longer for you and others to recognize. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there. This strength enables us to move ourselves and/or mountains.
So, my conclusion is that real strength, the strength that matters, the strength that can move mountains, the strength that changes lives, is inside each of us and no matter our physical appearance we ALL have things to work on.
For people struggling with physical challenges keep moving. And don't quit trying to be your best just because someone else appears to have gotten there first. There is plenty of room in the world for you to reach your goals. Just think of who you might be inspiring along the way! (Like the 43-year old guy on the rowing machine.)
For people who have reached some level of outward success, in fitness or wealth, don't let complacency and/or pride sneak in to your head and convince you that you are just too darned good to need to continually keep yourself mentally strong. Besides, the people in the first group are gaining on you...
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