tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86847424365433516512024-03-06T01:08:24.171-08:00Bridges To Your BestI am a man on a mission to share with the world a set of compelling principles and strategies to help every person become their best. This blog is essentially my laboratory where I bring together the ideas and inspiring stories that comprise BRIDGES.
I welcome and encourage your frank comments and feedback as they will help me make BRIDGES a lasting, results-driven guide to thousands of people aspiring to be their best.
Welcome to my lab of ideas!Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-55714451095918012682013-02-12T10:09:00.002-08:002013-02-12T11:37:06.658-08:0045Today I turned 45 years old!<br />
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Birthdays are usually happy occasions (HAPPY Birthday! Get it? ). But growing up I remember often feeling sad at least the night before and sometimes the whole actual day of my birthday.<br />
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I had a great childhood: loving parents/family, great friends, lots of opportunities and comforts in the town of Walnut Creek, CA. But because of how I am programmed I have always been preoccupied with the mark I am making in the world. Additionally, I have always been keenly aware of the value of time as it passes. And so each birthday, marking another year of my life finished that I would never get back, made me sad and a little scared that my mark wasn't important enough, or even noticeable.<br />
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Well, for the most part, I grew out of this fear of growing up and when it was time to leave home in 1986 I left in a big way. After one year at UC Davis, a school only an hour from home but a thousand hours from where I thought I was academically, I went to Japan for two years. Talk about leaving the nest! Still love my parents and siblings, more than ever, and I sometimes miss the comfort of the nest I grew up in but, MAN!, this flying stuff is the best!<br />
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As I reflect on my life this week I realize how much I absolutely miss the thrill of the unknown. The thrill of flying! <br />
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<ul>
<li>I miss the pain of completely butchering the Japanese language:</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The awkwardness of being totally in love with the girl I would marry;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The idiotic swagger I carrried in my first job thinking I knew more than the adults around me;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The stumblings and sleepless nights of a new dad;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The stumblings and sleepless nights of an experienced dad with teenage daughters (Wait! Those are ongoing).</li>
</ul>
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My point is that I LOVE the chance to make my mark each day. The chance to FLY! Admittedly these past few years have seen the world make more marks on me than I probably have made on it. BUT, with 45 years under my belt now and the hope of the first day of the next 45 years I am ready to fly again.<br />
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I love what I do--why would any of us waste our precious time doing something we don't love?! I get it but it's CRAZY! There will be always be hard things in whatever pursuit we engage, regardless of how much we love it, BUT how much better are we as people when we TRULY love what we do?<br />
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So for my birthday today I am going to leave my own comfortable nest and place much more emphasis on doing what I love to do. I think a key to living a life of meaning is this:<br />
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<b><i>Forget what the world says or thinks--they don't know you like YOU know you. Find what you love fast and then pursue it relentlessly.</i></b><br />
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Happy Birthday to me and Happy Day to you! Let's go mark this world up!Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-54011693170151432452012-09-14T17:19:00.001-07:002012-09-14T17:19:13.212-07:00Hope is NOT a strategyHope may spring eternal, but it is NOT a strategy.<br />
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I have felt a bit hopeless lately as I have grappled with less income than I need and certainly less than I want. This financial downturn has prevented me from giving my family what we need and it feels unpleasant, even scary at times. Does it ever feel that way to you, too?<br />
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Working on the front lines of finance over the past five years or so during this mini-Depression, Great Recession, whatever, has made a lot of things feel harder than I ever remember them, and I know I am not alone. Maybe I am just getting older, or crankier (both true but perhaps not relevant here), but I don't think that's it. Things are harder and many seem to feel that the American dream is starting to fade. Well, I am no expert on that but I will say I have started to become aware of something an old Wall Street boss said to me, and probably to many others, in the midst of the Tech Bubble bursting in the early 2000s. While I, an inexperienced stock broker, painfully fumbled for my metaphorical fire extinguisher as wealth all around me went up in flames, he said to me, "Hope is not a strategy."<br />
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That warning has stuck with me for over 10 years now and I think I am just starting to realize what he meant. You can have hope, after all it does spring eternal!, and maybe you having hope and things getting better for you will magically coincide but you cannot count on hope alone getting you what you want, or even need.<br />
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Working on a goal without hope would be pure drudgery but what happens if you have hope--you want something really bad--and honestly feel like you deserve it and it doesn't work out? Then what? Did having hope not work? Did you not hope badly enough? <br />
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I say this: Fear is, in many cases, a more powerful motivator than hope could ever, umm, <i>hope</i> to be. Being afraid of not getting what you need/want will almost always get you <b><i>working</i></b> for that thing more than <b><i>hoping</i></b> for it will.<br />
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Hope does not replace work. It can't. Otherwise everyone with hope would get what they want and life would be too easy. (Remember hope springs eternal, which means it's always there. It's almost always easy to hope. Sometimes, too easy. In fact, hope is easier than work, isn't it? Maybe that's we are so naturally drawn to it as people.)<br />
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1000% Yes! Have hope! But I am realizing that the world (business world, athletic world, relationship world, etc.) doesn't care or often even know if I have hope. What the world can see, and, therefore, is more likely to reward, is results! <br />
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So, the universal law must be: work = results = rewards. <br />
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You cannot hope your way to results. You can't. If hope of a brighter tomorrow gets you out of bed today and off to work then use it for all you can. If you hope that your work will yield results then by all means, hope! But sitting around "hoping" your life will get better without the willingness to do the hard thing and work will really only ever yield disappointment or worse: "fake success." I define fake success as the situation when luck or perfect timing--beyond your control--makes you look and feel smarter or better than you are really are.<br />
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When that happens those people for whom hope <i>seemingly</i> paid off will be the first ones to hope for solutions at the next inevitable crisis, rather than getting to work quickly to resolve the crisis and get back on track to a happy life solidly built on the principle that work = results = rewards. THAT is the winning strategy.<br />
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<br />Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-68089343627460714382012-08-05T16:31:00.000-07:002012-08-05T16:32:40.846-07:00Winners and LosersI don't know anyone who likes losing. And I know lots of people who say they want to win--or be successful--in a variety of things in this life. Sports, money, business, relationships, etc.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHZizDCi95UTDaS9ed-lpJ6B8VnDLqmfvsl7GUW5vqvqnReG4ClP4xrujOjfnDIjBJilSI3a14n1dcdC5wr1QECzXKTvmDbItPP8x74INePazhxK4Wd63xCJoDgOGRXSVgsSupNfxNOx0e/s1600/IMG_4622.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHZizDCi95UTDaS9ed-lpJ6B8VnDLqmfvsl7GUW5vqvqnReG4ClP4xrujOjfnDIjBJilSI3a14n1dcdC5wr1QECzXKTvmDbItPP8x74INePazhxK4Wd63xCJoDgOGRXSVgsSupNfxNOx0e/s320/IMG_4622.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The pain of losing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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This weekend at my daughter's soccer tournament in Park City I realized the difference between winning and losing. Until last month her team, made up of 11 and 12 year-old girls, hadn't lost a game in about 11 months and, in fact, won gold in their age group at the Summer Games in Cedar City, Utah. By all counts they were and are "winners." But after this weekend in Park City I see more clearly now that not losing isn't what defines them as winners.<br />
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This was not their best tournament. They know they played uncharacteristically poorly on Friday. But they still squeaked into the semi-finals on Saturday as the #1 team in their bracket. Then they lost again, 3-1, against a team they beat just last month 3-0. Tears flowed from a few of the girls, including my daughter which strangely always makes me proud, and most if not all of the girls wore their pain on their faces. I believe that pain, however expressed, is the critical element in separating winners and losers.<br />
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<ul>
<li>Losers lose. And find a way to get comfortable with the pain.</li>
<li>Winners win <i>and</i> lose. BUT, winners quickly reject the pain of losing, learn why they lost and boldly do what it takes to avoid that pain of losing ever again.</li>
</ul>
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I am a passionate, competitive person and I have thought most of my life that if you want something badly enough you will get it; that you can <i>will</i> yourself to win. I still think that is true BUT without the hard work BEFORE the deciding moment of winning and losing there is no guarantee that you will get what you want--the win! Crucially, winners who lose get the importance of hard work and preparation. There is NO magic formula for success, there really is only hard work fueled by a strong desire to not feel the sting of loss.<br />
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It is simply not enough to show up to a game, a presentation, a marriage and say you want success. You have to want to succeed well <i>beforehand</i> and that desire can only be displayed by the effort you put into the preparation. Too many people, including me, think that whoever has the bigger heart on the field, in the boardroom, at the lectern, wins. Not so. It is he who has the bigger heart <i>consistently</i> on the practice field, in the cubicle, in the cramped airplane seat, that is far more likely to win--get the outcome they want. That is where greatness is made. And the most important thing we must remember as we endure the blood, sweat, and tears of preparation is that that work will translate to the moment when points are kept, deals are awarded, and history made.<br />
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So, what do winners do when they lose? (And winners <i>do</i> lose.) Blame others? Beat themselves up? Quit? Avoid the risk of losing by dreaming smaller? No! Winners display resilience. They bounce back by working harder and REMEMBERING how it feels to lose and let that sting of losing push them to work harder so they minimize the chance of getting stung again.<br />
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Go Kylie and Logan Lynx! You are winners!Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-63755650832209949822012-07-10T12:54:00.002-07:002012-07-10T12:54:53.986-07:00Generosity in the 21st CenturyIt has been almost 6 months since posting some new thoughts here. The reason is that I have been very absorbed with Bridges to America, my cute, little non-profit. I have posted MANY thoughts on that <a href="http://bridgestoamericainc.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">blog</a> which I hope you will read, including a report on the rescue mission I went on in March to villages in Ghana, Africa.<br />
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I have to tell you that I LOVE this work! The problems are deep and the challenges tall but the rewards are significant. I can say honestly that the feeling of digging in and working to try and tackle serious problems in the world experienced by people who really can't help themselves is compelling. For me non-profit work is not some "feel good" or "pat myself on the back" type effort. I have just connected with the problem solver in me and he is happily quite busy trying to solve problems.<br />
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All of this leads me to the "G" in BRIDGES; Generosity.<br />
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Generosity used to mean to me writing a check to charity or dropping some coins in the cup of homeless person or the Salvation Army's red bucket at Christmas time. But I have learned that generosity in the 21st century really means the following:<br />
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1. <u>Engage</u><br />
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No dollar amount of a donation means more than spending time and the mental and emotional energy needed to understand someone's situation and help them. While I cannot run Bridges To America without funding, often the most meaningful contributions people can make is to simply understand and then share our story.<br />
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2. <u>Connect</u><br />
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After engaging, we must somehow connect personally to the cause and the people helped by it. We are all so busy in this modern day posting, tweeting, messaging, etc. that we can go days, weeks, or even months(?) without having a meaningful face-to-face and heart-to-heart conversation with someone. Connecting personally to another can be the greatest act of generosity there is.<br />
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Bridges To America all started because I saw a very good man separated from his family and in real pain. This only happened because I asked him about his family and he opened up to me about their separation. At the time. the only thing I could think of was how much pain I would be in if I was separated from my family for two years. After that, I HAD to act.<br />
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3. <u>Commit</u><br />
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It is an enormous waste of opportunity to find yourselves experiencing #1 and #2 above and then stopping. <br />
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Do something! It doesn't have to be big it just has to be <i>meaningful</i>. If it means something to you then you will hardly notice the time and energy it takes to commit and pick up the ball and run with it for the rest of your life.<br />
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So, yes keep writing checks because money makes the charitable world go 'round but I would suggest that when you make the effort to find ways to serve, to contribute to others the returns on that investment are compounded because both the person helped and the person helping are elevated.Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-33152697373639290772012-02-03T07:11:00.000-08:002012-02-03T07:13:51.595-08:00Groundhog Day--Perfect time for a New Year's Resolution Do-Over!Happy Groundhog Day! Or is it really February 3rd now?<br />
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Ever feel like that? <br />
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Sometimes I wish I was Bill Murray in that funnily poignant movie where he repeatedly gets stuck on Groundhog Day until he eventually gets the day, and his life, right. His problem is comically frustrating but also teaches us that with the right mindset every day truly is an opportunity. As I love to say around here: "Today <b><i>could</i></b> be your day!" Wouldn't you love the chance to have a "do-over" day until you got your life right?<br />
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This year's Groundhog Day made me think of New Year's Day and the resolutions we traditionally make. Groundhog Day marks one full month into the New Year and it occurred to me that many of us who actually went to the trouble of making a New Year's Resolution have, by now, either A) forgotten what we resolved to do, B) already failed and decided to push it out to 2013, or C) are actually keeping the resolution but could use a little encouragement to stick with it.<br />
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Well, rather than let another year slip by without making a greater effort at personal change I am offering a reminder and a way to avoid waking up next January 1st, or February 2nd, with the same life we have this year.<br />
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I am re-posting my thoughts on resolutions from last year <a href="http://www.bridgestoyourbest.blogspot.com/2011/01/year-for-boldand-resilient.html" target="_blank">here</a>. I am doing this because the ideas are still relevant, and probably will be as long as there are New Years to celebrate. However, this year I am sharing with you a tool to help you (and me!) not just keep this year's resolutions for change but to help specify who exactly we want to become and blaze the path that gets us there. View it and make it your own by clicking <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0ArN1OkfLufDidFdxVDNsXzlwb21KQ2JqLXh0aDk4Q3c" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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Also, for reference and perhaps a little inspiration I am sharing my own personal goals based on the BRIDGES model. Rather than give you some random example of some fictional character like Joe Bagofdonuts I thought a real set of goals made by me would be most helpful and/or interesting. So, at the risk of forever being haunted by my personal goals and aspirations being accessible to the minions that control the Internet I am posting my BRIDGES plan for life. You can view it <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0ArN1OkfLufDidGVsaTVZRHI0QTRHSllhcXF2Skd5cEE" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://bridgestoyourbest.blogspot.com/2011/01/year-for-boldand-resilient.html" target="_blank"></a><br />
So, consider this post my call for a "do-over" for change. And with all due respect to Punxsutawney Phil let's not crawl back into our warm, little den and simply wait out winter, or longer. The day awaits for us to get to the work of planning and making lasting change in our lives.Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-76586898328121604852011-11-12T07:37:00.001-08:002011-11-12T08:38:04.201-08:00Tsunami, Sweets, and ResilienceI just read an excellent article in The Wall Street Journal (link at the end of this blog) about a middle-aged baker, in the tsunami-devastated region of Japan who lost everything in March 2011. The story is painful and inspiring all at once.<br />
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Painful because I think most, if not all, of us can relate to his loss as the world deals with the financial struggles of today's economy. But more than that, this simple but strong man, dealt with the visceral anguish of the actual loss of family, friends, and livelihood. As I read this well-written article I couldn't help but recognize the familiar feelings of simply just wanting to move on from heartache and start something new while this painful section of my life's road quickly disappears in the rear view mirror.<br />
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Don't we feel like that sometimes?! "Things are too tough and didn't go the way I planned, so I am just going to throw in the towel, move on and start over with something new." <br />
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There is nothing wrong with starting over but the baker in this story, Mr. Kimura, shows us that resilience is about being true to who you are and the talents and legacy that shape you. Recognize who you have become and what you have to offer the world and <i><b>then</b></i> start over! Thankfully for Mr. Kimura he had somewhat unknowingly established a real loyalty from his customers who longed for something familiar; his sweets, in their newly uncertain and completely <i><b>un-</b></i>familiar world in post-tsunami Rikuzentaka, Japan.<br />
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He says: "I feel a lot of pressure, but it's good because it helps me move forward." <br />
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This is what most inspires me. Despite the natural human inclination to give up and try something new; or to take the less productive route of railing against the world while you seek free hand-outs; Mr. Kimura was able to muster enough consistent effort to mount a comeback. The article goes on to describe how he cobbles together a location, the funds, and enough equipment necessary to rebuild his bakery in a borrowed cargo-train car on the side of the road in his hometown.<br />
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His story has progressed so far because he first moved. It doesn't matter what the initial catalyst was: his grandmother's words, his customers requests for him to rebuild, the generosity of others cutting him a deal on equipment, etc. The point is he found something to propel him to take the first step. Then he showed the courage to take the next one, and so on.<br />
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This story is still in the making but my guess is Mr. Kimura has generated enough momentum now to continue to breakthrough the inevitable challenges ahead and succeed by regaining his livelihood as he delights customers with his increasingly famous sweets.<br />
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Mr. Kimura's final words in the article offer great advice from a man of unquestionable courage and resilience.<br />
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"In making sweets, things never happen the way you imagine it. And everything seems to take longer than we imagine."<br />
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As with Mr. Kimura's bakery, life doesn't reward us with bonus points for things going exactly according to our plan or occurring exactly on our timetable. Rather, we achieve success by fighting through those things, those events, those disasters that threaten to derail us from our ultimate destination of the legacy we dream to leave to the world. <br />
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To read the full story copy and paste the entire address below into your web browser.<br />http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB10001424052970203707504577007550569072874-lMyQjAxMTAxMDEwMjExNDIyWj.html?mod=wsj_share_email_botAdam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-228816518353338072011-10-13T10:54:00.000-07:002011-11-08T18:48:45.157-08:00The Marathon of LifeOn September 14 I accomplished one of my lifelong goals and ran a marathon. http://bridgestoamericainc.blogspot.com/<br />
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I have lots of thoughts and insights that come from preparing for and actually accomplishing a life goal--which you can read about in my upcoming book--but let me share just quickly here.<br />
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As I watched people (lots) go by me in the starting miles (and happily only a few in the finishing ones) of the 26.2 mile journey I kept saying two things to myself--<br />
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1. This is a marathon not a sprint!<br />
2. Run your race.<br />
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It occurs to me that life is exactly like a marathon except for one key difference--we don't know where our finish line actually is. We know it's out there but cannot measure how long we are actually going to be running this thing.<br />
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I was able to "pace" myself throughout the race with mile markers along the way that told me how far I had come and I quickly calculated how much further I had to run--seems like that was what I cared about most (are we there yet?!). This critical knowledge allowed me to gauge my strength and calibrate my effort to ensure I would have enough gas in the tank to finish--and believe me that was my only goal this time, to finish.<br />
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But in life, even though we mark our time on earth with birthdays we simply don't know how long our race will be. Given that inconvenience (or challenge?) it becomes difficult if not impossible to know how hard to work each day to pace ourselves and not burn out.<br />
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Or does it? Just as a marathon race has aid stations along the way with water, fluids, fruit, gels, first aid personnel, etc. (and trust me these aid stations become increasingly welcome and necessary as the race wore on) we have aid stations along our mararthon of life that perhaps we race by too often: friends, faith, exercise, vacations, quiet time. <br />
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So what?! What does this mean? What do we do to ensure we finish our race with a personal best performance?<br />
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Make life more about making the most of the mile we are currently running and not worry about the next ones. Make it more about who we want to be and what we want to accomplish than worrying about when we will do it. And given the uncertainty of how much time we have to finish our race we best be looking at each day as the extraordinary opportunity it is and enjoy it by simply getting out there and moving!Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-84624356678368890562011-06-27T19:25:00.000-07:002011-06-27T19:25:32.220-07:00Soul Surfer(Forgive me for posting this so long after the fact--two months ago!--but the thoughts are real and fresh as I review them today and will hopefully touch you.) <br />
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I just returned from watching the movie Soul Surfer with my 10 year-old daughter and a bunch of her friends.<br />
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I am not in the business of reviewing movies, in fact I am in the business of delivering perspective and motivation to help people make changes and live their best life, but this movie nailed a couple of elements that are key components to Bridges To Your Best.<br />
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STRENGTH <br />
The first thing that hit me hard was this young woman's calmness as she had her arm suddenly ripped off by a great white shark that changed her life forever in an instant, but not the way you might expect. There had to be already present a deep sense of calm about who she was making her way in the world.<br />
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RESILIENCE<br />
Despite the enormous internal and external changes that come from a physically-transformative injury like this I am amazed that she had the perspective to change her view of things. Rather than get angry and close off the world, she learned to reach out with one arm physically and her whole soul emotionally to embrace others with love.<br />
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GENEROSITY<br />
Despite her physical challenge she went to Thailand not long after the incident to help others deal with and recover from the horrific tsunami. On this trip while helping others she lost herself and found herself on the same trip.<br />
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I am amazed at the lack of whining and feeling sorry for herself. Yes, I realize it was a movie but it was based on true events and I was actually pleased to see that she wasn't an emotional robot but rather that she and her family actually did indeed struggle with how to deal with this injury. The key thing is that they all stuck together and fought through the unfamiliarity of what to do and made it to the other side of discomfort.<br />
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I am also struck that I have this internal desire to be an example to others and I often think how I would react to a dramatic challenge in my life that I would have to recover from. Of course I don't seek out activities or circumstances whereby I might lose an arm or have the chance to survive some dramatic situation. But then I realized that many, if not all, of us will lose a limb metaphorically in our life. Lost job? Divorce? Death of a loved one? Addiction? We may not have a movie made about our lives but we have the chance to impact the most important audience of all: our families and friends.Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-87084266000203585722011-06-27T07:12:00.000-07:002011-06-27T07:12:52.134-07:00When will we get there?When we set off on a run, a ride, or a trip, knowing the answer to the question, "When will we get there?" is key. This information allows us to know when and how much to refuel, rest and refresh.<br />
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When we set off on a goal to better our self--increase our fitness, build or repair a relationship, grow wealth, etc.--rarely do we know ahead of time exactly "when we will get there." This is because these goals have naturally vague end points and sometimes it is impossible to know just how far away--or how close!--our destination really is.<br />
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How about this? Instead of focusing on the destination so much why not focus on the journey? And, importantly, don't cut short the journey until we have reached the destination. If we learn to enjoy the journey we won't want to stop anyway and reaching the destination, i.e. accomplishing the goal, becomes the natural, happy result of consistent, focused work along our way.<br />
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Get on the road today and let your journey begin!Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-5610092375517335482011-03-28T12:05:00.000-07:002011-03-28T14:09:58.825-07:00STRENGTH: Random thoughts from the gymI just returned from a visit to the gym. I love going to the gym for the following reasons:<br />
<ul><li>I <i><b>never</b></i> regret working out. But I have regretted NOT working out too many times to mention.</li>
<li>Once I get my workout in I feel physically weaker but mentally and emotionally stronger.</li>
<li>I feel better about having dessert later that day ;-)</li>
<li>There are a hundred human stories walking around the gym.</li>
</ul>I have a few random thoughts I'd like to share as they relate to the "S" in BRIDGES: Strength<br />
<br />
As I was on the rowing machine just inside the indoor track I noticed a fairly obese woman working hard to walk/run the track. As she passed me, sweating hard, I thought about what might be going on inside her head (thinking about her helped me ignore the pain inside my body).<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Did she feel conspicuous around the many others there who were in much better shape? </li>
<li>Was she just getting started on her weight loss or was she about to quit? </li>
<li>Does she have any idea that people like me--no world-class bodybuilder but a relatively in-shape 43 year old dude--look at her and feel proud and inspired? </li>
<li>Would knowing that help her stay on track and continue to put in the hard work to reach her goal for better health and self-confidence?</li>
</ul><br />
We ALL have things to work on and changes to make in our life, and we always will. What is great about the work involved in becoming physically strong is that--if you do it right--you and others can actually see the results. We know if we are lifting more weight than before. We know if we are running faster than before. We know if our jeans are looser (or tighter) than before. I think the nature of making physical change is actually easier than making mental and emotional change. In the physical change process there's no: "Gee, I feel more positive but I am not sure if anyone is noticing. Maybe my new-found positivity is all in my head." You either lift more or you don't; run faster/longer or you don't; the jeans fit or they don't. It's really hard to play mental games with physical change.<br />
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I see lots of very in-shape people at the gym and I think, "Man, how do I get a body like that?!" Then I catch myself thinking, "Well that guy is probably younger, probably has more time that I do to be here longer and more often, probably started lifting at a younger age than I did." And on and on. Then I realize, who cares?! I am on a quest to be MY best. Not someone else's best. I also realize that I may be totally wrong in my judging. I don't know the first thing about 99% of the other people in the gym so making assumptions about them in a perverse attempt to make myself feel better about my own apparent inadequacies is an utter waste of time and mental energy.<br />
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Instead, I would be better off remembering that outward (physical) appearances aren't always an accurate reflection of what's on the inside. There are lots of "posers" out there. Don't be one. The world is not made better by faking what a great guy or gal you are on the outside when you are nothing but mentally weak inside. In the same way, it is fruitless to look at people who are in better shape, drive a nicer car, have more money, or just seem happier than we do and decide to give up trying to chase those same dreams because "they" already have them and "they" must, therefore, be better than I am. Sometimes we can't see past the outward "things" that seem to shout success and see inside what <i><b>might</b></i> be, in some cases, a pretty messed up emotional life riddled with all sorts of dysfunction and heartache. It's sort of like looking behind Oz's curtain and seeing someone that looks a whole, lot more like Dorothy, or yourself.<br />
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Because mental change first happens on the inside it is logically harder to see. I am not aware of an MRI machine that can detect mental growth and strength. (Not yet anyway.) And if we can't (or choose not to) see something we start to think it's not there. And who wants to make efforts to change if there isn't going to be a payoff at the end of the effort?!<br />
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In our modern society, especially in Western culture, we have come to expect fast change. We may think: "Well, everything in our relatively short history has happened so fast why would change ever slow down?! Why can't I make change faster because, gee, change hurts and I want the pain to stop! Isn't there a pill for that?"<br />
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It takes a strong mind to remember that real change--building strength that lasts--takes time and effort. Yes, from time to time we will founder and not be as consistent as we want to be. That really is "life." But if we can attach our efforts to a bold vision of what we can and want to become then I believe that we will find that slice of mental strength necessary to catalyze our physical and mental growth processes. The trick is, once that's started, is to never look back and never forget that, just like the physical part of our beings, the mental part of us requires regular (dare I say daily?) work and attention.<br />
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Let me summarize my observations--<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Physical Strength:</span></b> Outside-In. Notice changes faster. Improves mental strength and confidence.<br />
<b><span style="color: red;">Mental Strength:</span></b> Inside-Out. Takes longer for you and others to recognize. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there. This strength enables us to move ourselves and/or mountains. <br />
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So, my conclusion is that real strength, the strength that matters, the strength that can move mountains, the strength that changes lives, is inside each of us and no matter our physical appearance we ALL have things to work on.<br />
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For people struggling with physical challenges keep moving. And don't quit trying to be your best just because someone else appears to have gotten there first. There is plenty of room in the world for you to reach your goals. Just think of who you might be inspiring along the way! (Like the 43-year old guy on the rowing machine.)<br />
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For people who have reached some level of outward success, in fitness or wealth, don't let complacency and/or pride sneak in to your head and convince you that you are just too darned good to need to continually keep yourself mentally strong. Besides, the people in the first group are gaining on you...Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-11837870910598404382011-02-28T21:08:00.000-08:002011-02-28T21:08:32.192-08:00Independence: Threading the NeedleMy father has Type II diabetes. We were catching up on life in general this past weekend and he mentioned his diabetes and that it seems harder and harder to control. Each day he now has to inject 50% more insulin than he did just 6 months ago. When I asked him what he thought caused this spike he replied that he wasn't eating well or working out often enough. Not a shocker. Of course that is what caused this medical condition in the first place and not dramatically reversing course is the reason the condition is worsening.<br />
<br />
I love my dad, of course, and am writing this with his permission, though this definitely wasn't his idea. Ever since losing his father to cancer at the vulnerable age of 12 years old my dad had to be independent. Life dealt him a merciless, harsh blow and I think he figured that the only person he could ever really rely on was himself. That realization has shaped most of the decisions in his 68 years on the earth.<br />
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At times his independence has served him well. As a soldier serving in Vietnam, as a sales executive, as an athlete. But independence is a two-edged sword. Too much of it means that you can unintentionally treat people like they don't matter, like you don't need them because you are independent and can handle things on your own. This is not the most attractive personality trait one can have. In fact, if not checked, you run the risk of becoming a jerk in that everything can seem to be about you when you are hyper-focused on your own independence.<br />
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In the context of Bridges To Your Best, I define independence as follows:<br />
<br />
<i>If you don't control your destiny, someone or something else will. Modern life can move at breakneck speed and you can't afford to put your dreams in the hands of someone else. Make decisions quickly before complacency and mediocrity talk you out of it. Decide the life <u>you</u> want and then go get it on your terms and timing. No one owes you anything.</i><br />
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Independence doesn't mean that we shouldn't ever depend on others. We should. It is trusted friends, colleagues, family members, and mentors that can help us become our best by showing us where we may be wrong, getting off the path or just plain crazy. That doesn't mean they will always be right but an outside perspective is always enlightening as it works regardless of what they tell you. The feedback is spot on and you realize it and change course or it's dead wrong and, recognizing that, you increase your confidence that you are on the right path. <br />
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The key here is that the independent person is able to accept the help and feedback without feeling weak and without stopping the journey toward realizing their bold vision for themselves. Rather, the independent person synthesizes the feedback from those on whom they actually can depend--someone who will tell them like it is with love and goodwill--and adds it to their own thinking and adjusts their effort accordingly.<br />
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Back to the conversation with my dad, he <i>knows</i> what he has to do but eating healthy by avoiding really tasty food and overcoming the urge to snack mindlessly is really hard. And working out is by definition hard work. Look at the obesity rates in the US. They tell us just how hard this is. My dad did tell me that he was able to do much better when he was living with us last summer and I stayed on top of his eating and workout schedule. To be clear, I am no Superman and I too was more consistent in eating healthy and exercising because I wanted to be a good example and hate the thought of being a hypocrite. (It's harder to sneak-eat ice cream when you are around someone who ice cream could literally eventually kill.) I wanted to help my dad by showing him that I could control my life in the hopes that it would help him control his.<br />
<br />
Now that he has been on his own for six months he has realized this important lesson of independence: We should be independent enough to chart a course that best matches our innate desire to be our best and fulfill our potential but be dependent enough to be able to rely on others in our life (family, friends, colleagues, coaches, etc.) to give us honest, regular feedback and encouragement necessary to realize that dream.<br />
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In other words: Independently chart the course to your best while depending on trusted others along the way to help you stay on it. Thread the needle of independence and dependence.<br />
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If you don't have someone you trust that will tell you the truth about who they think you are how can you assess where you are on the path to excellence?!<br />
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Go depend on someone today. And because I depend on people like you please give me some feedback on this idea.Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-1630580446028120912011-01-28T21:12:00.000-08:002011-01-28T21:12:32.392-08:00The Big "D" --Without this we flounderSo, January is pretty much over and 2011 is now well underway. As I reflect on my life so far this year and the changes I am trying to make I find myself just about every day asking:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>How is it going? </li>
<li>Are you on track?</li>
<li>Is this going be your year?</li>
<li>Are we there yet?</li>
<li>Why is change so hard?</li>
<li>Is it really worth it?</li>
<li>Why don't I have more discipline?</li>
</ul><br />
I have always had a strong desire to achieve greatness in all the roles I play in life: husband, father, professional, entrepreneur, athlete, and child of God. I was born with this desire and sometimes I worry that it is a curse because when I don't feel like I have reached greatness in any of these roles I get impatient and restless and wonder what the heck is taking so long! And if I am not careful I find myself questioning either the merit of becoming great or whether greatness is even possible. I realize that it is at these very times I run the risk of quitting--or stopping my daily pursuit of greatness--and I become aware that if I don't reverse this line of thinking I may only ever fully achieve...mediocrity!<br />
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Maybe you are like me and feel similar feelings from time to time, or maybe all the time. I have discovered something really useful in overcoming this human tendency to flounder or give up on the difficult path to greatness. (By the way, few people get past this point of difficulty and that's what gives greatness its true value.)<br />
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DISCIPLINE!<br />
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Stephen Covey captured what I am talking about when he wrote: "When we find purposes we truly wish to pursue, half-hearted commitments are not enough. Successful quests come only through steady, paced, every day efforts--practice after practice, night after night, step after step."<br />
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The good, no great, news is that if you go boldly enough in your quest to become your best you will feel a fire start to burn in your heart that will keep you focused and steady in the inevitably difficult road ahead. That fire of boldness will be your best weapon to conquer distraction and fear and display the necessary discipline to stay on course.<br />
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If you want to be great--define it as you like but I define it as consistently exerting effort <em><strong>and</strong></em> getting results in line with what I know to be my real potential--then you probably regularly set goals for yourself that will get you closer to your vision, or dream, of what you want to become. On any given day we actually work on making that vision a reality. But how many cotton-pickin' times do we feel the tug or resistance of life pull us back to the launching pad??!!<br />
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If happiness is knowing that we are getting closer to realizing our vision for ourselves--by actually doing the daily work required and overcoming obstacles then we owe it to ourselves to be disciplined. Conversely, if a lack of discipline distracts and derails us (and it will!) then we will find ourselves fading back to the launching pad, or never lifting off at all, and we ultimately will accomplish less than we know we could. This results in regret and sadness.<br />
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<div> </div><div>Before you (or I) feel overwhelmed at the prospect of living a constrained, no-fun, boring life of nothing but discipline remember that if you find that bold dream and commit to it you will very likely find the passion you need to overcome whatever difficult things await you on the path to achieving your greatness.</div><div> </div><div>One brief but important personal example. My wife, Wendy, has always loved to sleep. Her body has been through the ringer over the years and she has often needed more sleep than others, like me. However, she has always wanted to serve people in the healthcare profession. Six months ago she became a certified phlebotomist and promptly was hired at the local hospital on an on-call basis. This means that she now regularly gets up at 3:30AM to start her morning rounds at 4:30AM! Every morning when she wakes me up (unintentionally I'm sure ;-) with the lights or the blow dryer I am still amazed and proud that she has been able to make this hard change she needed to realize her dream of helping people. In the context of choosing more sleep or boldly living her vision to reach her full potential the choice seems obvious but how many of us have connected with that bold vision? </div><br />
<div> </div>What gets you out of bed in the morning? What convinces you to turn off the TV and get to work--whatever that work may be? Is your vision for yourself bold enough to enable you to find the discipline needed to stay focused, to work hard and make it a reality? <br />
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<div> </div>Dream boldly enough and the discipline will come. When discipline is present in our lives greatness follows!<br />
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Go be great! One disciplined day at a time.Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-54360362001905317362011-01-02T19:46:00.000-08:002011-01-03T15:39:22.025-08:00The Year for the Bold...and the ResilientAhh New Year's Day! What is it about this day that compels most of us to make "resolutions?" Is it guilt from eating, spending and relaxing too much over the holidays? Perhaps. How many of these "new" goals to eat better, exercise more, i.e. lose weight, save more money, stop smoking, be nicer, etc. will be given up on by Groundhog Day??!! That is the fallacy of this so-called resolution cleansing process that almost always leads to disappointment and another year of roughly the same level of personal performance.<br />
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Here's my take: I am absolutely all about reflecting on our lives and setting or re-setting goals to ensure we are on the right path and moving forward. In fact, this weekly review is something I teach in Bridges and is absolutely key to effecting lasting change in our lives.<br />
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That said, but for the once-a-year opportunity to straddle the past year and the upcoming year New Year's Day is really just another day. And we kid ourselves if we think that by making our goal an official "New Year's Resolution" that our ability to actually accomplish it is somehow magically enhanced. It's not.<br />
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So, in order to make the most of this tradition this time of year make, or re-make, your New Year's goals with the following keys in mind.<br />
<ol><li>Go bold. If you dig deep enough into your persona you will very likely find that you know what you really want to and should do this year (is it really all that different than that past ten or twenty New Year's?) but fear, self-doubt and conformity hold you back. The world gets no better when people shoot for average. Do we encourage our kids to stop just short of the line of greatness??!! No! We say blow right past it. Why should it be any different for ourselves?? I contend that setting bold goals is what gets us closer to being great than nearly anything else.</li>
<li>Write down your goals and review them weekly. What sounds great on New Year's Day can often lose its luster--or be totally forgotten--by February or March if we don't take the time to write and review our goals regularly. If you are serious about making change--not just talking about it--then a weekly review is a must.</li>
<li>Feel great about the fact that you are even thinking about setting resolutions/goals. The prospects of accomplishing your goals this new year and of becoming more than you were on December 31, 2010 are raised significantly as you put forth the optimism and energy it takes to combat the natural complacency and laziness we all face when trying to make change. When you decide to change and actually do something about it you are entering rare air. Good for you!</li>
<li>Be ready for the "hardness" that comes when your goals meet the rhythm of your current life and you feel like quitting. This very moment is when we get to choose to change and be great or do what most people do and simply stay the same. This is where change happens and resilience--a fierce commitment to your goals--is what makes it a reality. </li>
</ol><br />
Last note: Bold doesn't have to mean big or crazy, it means doing things that are strategic or key to your life-long pursuit of improvement. This pursuit happens one step at a time and without a bold goal to pursue we may find ourselves bored or tired, or both, and end up becoming less than we are capable of becoming. My example for 2011: I want to run a marathon in less than 4 hours. I have never even run a marathon but am sure that if I keep that as my ultimate goal and maybe even register for one this week for later this summer I will stay focused on the day-to-day training and habits that will help me accomplish this bold idea for me.<br />
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I say, go bold or don't go at all. But if you do go bold be prepared to be resilient and literally fight through the myriad things that will try to prevent you from becoming your best.<br />
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If you are ready for change then consider this: Compared to today, it will always be harder to start making changes tomorrow, or next New Year's. Don't wait.<br />
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At the very least resolve to keep an eye on what we are doing here at Bridges and practice what we preach.<br />
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Today, indeed every day this year, could be your day. It's up to you!Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-4271287246294935702010-12-23T13:01:00.000-08:002010-12-23T13:01:25.131-08:00Tragedy...and opportunityLast weekend tragedy struck the family of a close friend of my 15 year-old daughter. This friend's 18 year-old sister was driving her two brothers and younger sister home from a basketball game when she lost control of their car on the snow-covered highway, drifted into oncoming traffic, and were struck by an oncoming vehicle. The two brothers, ages 7 and 10, were killed in this horrific accident. (See the article here: <a href="http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=13713315">http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=13713315</a>).<br />
You don't have to know the family to imagine the deep pain and palpable grief. Two lives ended so early and so suddenly. The parents, siblings, relatives and friends will undoubtedly feel the pain of these permanent scars for the rest of their lives. Surely the pain will become less intense over time but they will never "get over it." And even though it was clearly no one's fault this older sister, the driver, will likely be haunted by this for the rest of her life.<br />
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As we have imagined the terrible grief this family is going through, many tears have been shed in my home by all of us, most especially my daughter, as we all feel so badly for this close friend and his family who have lost these two little boys.<br />
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In all this pain a question occurred to me: <u>What is it about death that wakes us up to life?</u><br />
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Underneath the hustle and bustle of life I think we all sense our mortality from time to time and fear the speed at which life moves. When death hits directly, or even indirectly, we are often struck by the realization that that death could have been our death, or the death of one of our own family members. And clearly the physical separation of these two boys from their dear family must feel unbearable to those left behind but the additional burden of seeing the lives of two growing, fun-loving boys end as they were no doubt just starting to leave their mark on the world adds an unthinkably painful element to this surreal situation.<br />
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So, to somehow cope with the pain caused by this separation the loved ones left behind will do what they can for the rest of their time on the earth to remember and honor these lives ended much too soon. This is a painful journey but with every painful trial there is an opportunity to learn and to grow.<br />
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I believe the most important thing we <em><strong>can</strong></em> learn from death and its related pain is that it is up to no one else but us to make the most of the minutes, hours, and days we have on earth. And that every day really does matter. Herein lies the opportunity to live a fuller life. <br />
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The truth is that we just don't know when our or anyone else's time will be up. Given that uncertainty I believe we can attain a higher level of happiness and satisfaction while we do have time by trying harder to be our best, <em>because</em> we lost a loved one, <em>because</em> any day could be our last, and <em>because</em> we could be separated from the most important people in our life right when we least expect it.<br />
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For as much as tragedy wakes us up to the reality of our own fragile mortality and that of those we love, time does tend to dull the intensity of the feelings associated with the tragedy and we usually find ourselves inevitably slipping back to our previous life patterns and behavior. Why do we do this? If we would just remember how precious and short life really is I am convinced that we would be better able to make the lasting changes we know we need to make and I am sure that we would be more careful in how we treat others. Our lives would be more about others than ourselves and more about doing things now rather than putting them off for a tomorrow that may never come.<br />
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Ultimately I am talking about living a life of generosity. Being generous in making time to listen and engage with others, simply being kind to both loved ones and strangers--especially when it sometimes feels easier to be kind to the strangers--and taking time to enjoy and understand the journey of life by rebelling against life's hustle and bustle is our best insurance that when our time, or our loved one's time, does come we will be ready to leave the earth, or let them go, with few or no regrets.<br />
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Live life as though today were your last day and treat others as though it were theirs. I think I owe it to the family who grieves the loss of their little boys to, <em><strong>today</strong></em> <strong><em>and always</em></strong>, make my space in this life a little brighter, a little nicer, a little better. What better way to honor their too-short lives and their tragic passing?Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-76799777702072293352010-12-16T07:55:00.000-08:002010-12-16T08:10:48.504-08:00Be Strong or Be StagnantOnce you know who you are and who you want to become (sadly not always the same thing), daily life seems inevitably determined to derail you from achieving your destiny. Be it self-doubt, inertia, complacency, etc. it seems that there is always some reason to stop trying to be our best. We may never think of it this way but if we aren't aware that life's daily struggles (and I contend that they are daily!) can tear us down then we experience the natural tendency to give up on our efforts when things get hard. <br />
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The antidote for this common situation is STRENGTH. If we understand that life is and will always be hard then we can take action proactively to prepare for those moments that might weaken our resolve to fulfill our destiny and instead triumph over mediocrity, stagnation and weakness.<br />
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I hate the expression: "Hang in there!" I believe that we are too full of potential as human beings and this life is too precious for us to simply hang in there on some rope, presumably near the end of it. We are meant to thrive, not merely survive. We are meant to experience the thrill of reaching new highs as we push ourselves, or rather pull ourselves up, and the profound perspective available only to those who are actually climbing the rope of life.<br />
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I believe that there are several key areas in our individual lives that if we focus our efforts we will find our ability to grow greatly enhanced and our lives richer and of greater worth to ourselves and those around us. This is hard and precisely because it is hard most people will try and then give up. That is why true greatness is increasingly rare. That is why fewer and fewer people are living their best lives. So, if we want to be our best I submit that the only way to do that is to focus all we can on balancing our lives and mental attitude around the following five elements of strength:<br />
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<u>Mental Strength</u><br />
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Unplug your TV/YouTube/iTunes, etc. for a set time regularly and engage in something that stimulates your brain positively. Call it a "digital fast." <br />
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Read (or write!) a book. Write your ideas and thoughts in a journal or diary. Take a class. Practice a sport. Learn a foreign language. Meditate.<br />
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This life is loud and full of distractions that sap our mental energy and creativity. Only as we actively attempt to claw back a little thinking time for ourselves can we ensure that our mental capacity will be able to influence the positive things we must regularly do to become our best.<br />
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A weak mind = A life of mediocrity<br />
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<u>Spiritual Strength</u><br />
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Don't whine or be negative. Be honest and up-front in your dealings with people in your life. Know who you are and don't fear being or becoming that person. Each of us has a purpose in life and our job is to figure out what that is and go become that person. <br />
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Protect your HEART, or SPIRIT, by letting it lead your actions. Wear it on your sleeve. Your heart shows us and the world who you really are and who you want to become. Listen to it and ACT!<br />
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<u>Physical Strength</u><br />
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Eat right and work out every day. I don't care how tired you might feel get up and move! I am convinced that a strong body is an important key to a strong mind, heart, and spirit. When you exercise control (pun intended) over your body you have achieved something difficult. That achievement leads to increased confidence in other areas of your life: job, relationships, etc.<br />
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Have you EVER regretted exercising? EVER??!! I doubt it. Yet how many times have you experienced the opposite emotion: "I regret not getting off my rear-end today and doing something physical?" Only you have the power to avoid feeling that regret.<br />
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<u>Emotional</u> <br />
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Put others' needs first. We absolutely live in a "me first" society. Focusing so much on our own needs and well-being leaves little room to care for others. The common thought "If I listen to this person's problems then there won't be enough time for them to listen to mine," makes us all terrible listeners. Terrible listeners make for shallow friends and shallow moments. The emotional release that comes from truly being listened to by someone who "gets" you and takes the time to truly "hear" you is very powerful. I hope you have someone to do that for you from time to time but for now, go be that person for someone else. Your strength to listen will shine through and create dividends of strength for you for years to come.<br />
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<u>Financial</u><br />
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Get out and stay out of debt. Save more than you make and exercise restraint in spending. The USA is the greatest market in the world and all the world's vendors know this. While that makes for a dynamic and interesting economy it also means that we as consumers must constantly be on our guard from the regular assaults by the many low value products vying for our attention and hard-earned/much-taxed cash.<br />
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If we have actually learned anything from the most recent financial crisis and ongoing economic malaise we must change the way we handle our finances individually and as a country or we will be back on Depression's door before we know it. Avoiding financial Armageddon personally and as a nation is really quite simple: <br />
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1. Stop getting into debt. If you (we) can't pay for it with money you already have then don't buy it;<br />
2. Pay off debt. Sure we live in ultra-low interest times but owing our creditors, be they some big New York Bank or the Chinese people, weakens our ability to do what we want when we want in the future;<br />
3. Put your money to work in projects, ideas, ventures, that will produce positive results. It's not always easy to know what will pan out positively, and patience can often be the difference between profit and loss but follow your gut AND the advice of experienced people and you will increase your chances of success.<br />
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Financial strength has been the hardest area for me, and likely millions of others, to master and, sadly, it is only through very painful recent times that I think I, and hopefully many others, have finally figured out how to actually apply this simple, yet difficult, lesson of restraint and prudence. The trick as to whether we have actually learned the lesson is to act DIFFERENTLY when faced with similar circumstances in the future.<br />
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So, when we get through a difficult period and the sun shines again on our financial fortune will you act differently and REMEMBER the hard-fought lesson and get it right this time??<br />
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Everyday is your chance to be strong. You don't simply "get" strong you have to DO something to become strong. Improving your strength in the above five elements of your life is critical to becoming your best. It all starts with action and the alternative--a stagnant, uninteresting life--is simply not acceptable to those on the path to greatness. Go get 'em!Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-35745400786693381972010-08-23T09:51:00.000-07:002010-08-23T09:53:04.947-07:00Success with Our Non-Profit, Bridges To America!!I am thrilled to report that earlier this month--and just in the nick of time--the Egbukonye Family was reunited in San Francisco via New York City<br />
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Many thanks to those of you who took the time and money to support this effort. Candidly, we fell short of of raising the necessary funds to be able to get them here and Bridges to America is currently running in the red. That said, given the urgency of getting Vivian, Destiny, and Duke here before their visas expired we had to do whatever we could to accomplish this amazing reunion quickly. <br />
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Your ongoing support is needed. Please pass this along to those you know who may be able to help. We need to raise about $1,500 to erase the deficit and continue to help deserving families in need.<br />
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Pictures coming soon.<br />
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Mission accomplished...thank you!Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-16608716888429911922010-06-08T00:07:00.000-07:002010-06-08T00:07:27.315-07:00Need Your Help--Live GenerouslyPlease click here to visit my non-profit organization and help an African family fulfill the American Dream.<br />
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<a href="http://www.bridgestoamerica.org/">http://www.bridgestoamerica.org/</a>Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-14548288441108506042010-05-29T15:50:00.000-07:002010-05-29T15:52:59.471-07:00Pain: Avoid It or Embrace It?<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">As I, like others, have faced the great pain of financial loss and insecurity, the anguish of lost trust in those close to me, the discomfort of rocky family relations, and the heartbreak of whip-saw setbacks after thinking I was back on track, it has become clear to me that pain can actually be a helpful element in creating lasting change. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">I have also observed many people struggle with their own unique painful circumstances and am convinced that those who actually embrace the pain as a catalyst to make change (not just because it's soooo much fun!) are much better able to rise above it quickly and become better human beings. I am not sure I can think of anything more wasteful than enduring a painful experience and choosing to NOT grow from it!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">I strongly believe that we are best able to handle the inevitable waves of change and pain that life crashes over us if we understand and accept the hardness of life as a given from the start.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">Naturally, our bodies, minds, and spirits do not like pain and it is human nature to try and avoid it. The problem is that change--especially the worthwhile kind--almost always has some sort of pain associated with it. Unfortunately, if we do not recognize the pain we are feeling and deal with it—head-on—then we miss a huge opportunity to make the changes that propel us forward. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">Unfortunately, in contrast to the gut-wrenching effort it sometimes takes to deal with our pain head-on, our society has developed multiple tempting means of “coping” with pain that nearly always prove destructive in the short and long-term. When I say "coping," I mean creating numbness that masks the pain in an unconscious, wasteful attempt to avoid it. We can bring on that numbness with all sorts of destructive behavior that usually turn into lifelong habits: drinking, drugs, physical, verbal or sexual abuse where we try and transfer our pain to someone else, pornography, and eating disorders (including overeating.)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">Remembering that our painful moments are life’s unique gift to us to discover and show the world (at least ourselves) who we truly are can be extremely helpful in rejecting these negative coping traps. How we react when faced with painful circumstances is how we should measure our greatness. You may have heard the saying that “trials <i><b>build</b></i> real character.” I prefer the perspective that “trials <b><i>reveal</i></b> real character.” If we develop an attitude of confidence that we can and a desire to endure and overcome trials we become less afraid of pain and change. Then when we are inevitably faced with trials our character will not just reveal itself, it will grow and we will be ready for the next trial. (Hopefully with a rest break in between though that is certainly not guaranteed!)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">Measuring the greatness of our character when things are easy (like during a rest break) is like measuring the greatness of an athlete during warm-ups. This is obviously not correct. An athlete’s greatness can only be measured during the height of competition with sweat, blood and tears flowing freely as maximum effort is made to beat a worthy competitor.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">So, like an athlete rises to the fight when things get most painful, steel yourself and avoid the urge to take the thumb-sucking fetal position. Pay attention to the experience and embrace the trial. Ready yourself for the chance to jump to the next level. For the greatest triumphs always follow the most painful lows.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">Sometimes it may be difficult to recognize that we are merely “coping” rather than embracing pain. Ask yourself the following questions:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -.25in;"></div><ul><li><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">Are you comfortable in your discomfort?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">If you are in a dead-end job, relationship, or habitual behavior do you kid yourself that things aren’t <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i></b> bad? </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">Do you mask the discomfort with drugs, food, or other dysfunctional behavior?</span></li>
</ul><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 21px;"><br />
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">We simply don’t have enough earth minutes to let moments of pain—chances to change—pass us by. On my business card for Bridges To Your Best I added the phrase “Today could be your day.” I don’t mean that maybe something lucky will happen to you today and your life will get magically better. I mean that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i></b> can make today your day. I have learned time and time again that luck comes when preparation meets opportunity. We can’t always control when opportunity will come but we can control our preparation. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">These moments of pain that we all are faced with are our best chances to prepare ourselves for the opportunities that are sure to come. Just remember that often opportunity disguises itself as a painful trial. With that knowledge you stand a much better chance of benefitting from it if you actively embrace it rather than passively avoiding it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 21px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;">Good luck. Or rather: Be Ready!</span></div>Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-74416391178048427972010-05-06T10:06:00.000-07:002010-05-06T10:10:00.500-07:00One Step at a TimeDane completed his epic 202-mile run nearly two weeks ago in Washington D.C. It was a great adventure for me and my wife despite major lack of sleep, getting what sleep we could in the car, eating fast food, etc.<br />
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Since returning home, I have reflected on what Dane accomplished and am once again amazed at what you can do when you simply put one foot in front of the other. I think we all understand the virtue of taking on life's challenges one step at a time but, just as in Dane's run, sometimes the road is dark and a little scary and after thousands of steps the prospect of taking even one more little step can be physically and mentally overwhelming.<br />
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As I watched Dane navigate the low points of his run it was instructive to me to watch the human spirit in action. Often we all face the natural desire to quit or lower the bar when things get difficult. But if we have developed a strong desire for excellence and an ability to dream big we can marshall the strength to keep us on course and fulfill our destiny.<br />
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Dane's run was an adventure not that different from life. Some people actually asked me what place he came in. He started 24 hours earlier than the rest of the teams running so it's really not a relevant question but I am struck by the way we as humans keep score. The question seemed to imply that if he didn't finish near the lead then his accomplishment might mean less. How about "I just navigated a 202 mile run in 50 hours!" as an indicator of success? Do you ever worry that we might be judged by others (or ourselves) not by whether we finished the "run" of life but by what place we took? (e.g., the size of our bank account or home, the shape of our body, the number of awards on our wall, etc.)<br />
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In this fast-paced world we have, understandably, come to expect fast results and love to keep score. We are hit daily with clever marketing and real-life examples of quick-fixes, instant answers, and rankings. While I appreciate scientific and technological advances as much as the next non-Luddite we must be careful to not apply "quick-fix" ideas or external judgements to the most important parts of life such as building character and accomplishing our life's dreams. These pursuits are by nature most difficult and are only accomplished through consistent, steady effort. Like Dane, we may fall on the trail and want to give up sometimes but if we have prepared ourselves by focusing on character development and doing what matters most, I know that we can find the strength to persevere and stay the course.<br />
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It bears repeating (daily!) that becoming our best is much less like a sprint and much more like a 202-mile run. That means we have to be honest and clear with ourselves that worthwile things take time. There is no substitute for time and yet the clock is always ticking. So, if we make the most of each day our results may not be immediate but we can be assured that they will be lasting.<br />
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Lastly, don't stop dreaming big simply because we are afraid (or know!) the road will be hard. We all have different trails to run, or even walk, but the important thing is that we find ours and stay on it. To stay in our warm emotional/mental bed when the cold winds of life are blowing is essentially tantamount to choosing a life of mediocrity. No one is on this earth to be mediocre, no one.<br />
I have started BRIDGES because I have gone through (and will continue to) the unpleasant but ultimately rewarding pain of getting out of my comfortable psychological bed, facing the paralyzing freeze of my problems, and moving down my life's path anyway. I believe my mission now is to share these inspiring principles of BRIDGES I have discovered and provide the motivation for you to move forward so we both can achieve excellence and be a force for good in a world already full of mediocrity and complacency.<br />
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We will both do this one determined step at a time.<br />
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Stay tuned...Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8684742436543351651.post-17710690330883442332010-04-19T08:16:00.001-07:002010-04-22T10:46:52.461-07:00Bold...or Crazy?!!There is a fine line between bold and crazy. I believe strongly that boldness catalyzes greatness. If you are going to change your life you really, at some point at least, have to "go big or go home," and only the bold go big. You do have to use the grey matter between your ears to ensure that you don't cross the line to crazyville and destroy your chance of living to be bold another day. However, too many of us worry that our bold ideas are actually closer to crazy ideas and we pull back from chances to breakout and become great.<br />
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Through my wife's business, Asea (<a href="http://www.teamredox.com/">http://www.teamredox.com/</a>), I had the privilege of meeting an extraordinary athlete last fall at the Top of Utah Marathon Expo. Dane Rauschenberg <a href="http://seedanerun.com/">http://seedanerun.com/</a>) accomplished the amazing feat of running 52 official marathons in 52 consecutive weeks during 2006. I had read about him in Runner's World and when I saw him signing books across from my wife's booth I had to meet him. Thankfully, I did.<br />
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Since that time, through a sponsorship of his efforts at both the Atlanta and Honolulu Marathons, my wife and I have spent lots of time with Dane and watched him interact with hundreds of fellow runners and fans. Often when people hear what Dane has accomplished I am intrigued by the skeptical shaking of the head or the comment: "Are you crazy?!" That's probably a fair reaction and I can't guarantee that I didn't do the same when I first read about "52."<br />
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Today, to his great credit and as a testament to who he is, Dane is ratcheting up the boldness big time. He will be running a 202 mile relay race known as the American Odyssey Relay (<a href="http://www.americanodysseyrelay.com/">http://www.americanodysseyrelay.com/</a>) <strong>solo</strong>! My wife and I will be there to support him and cheer him on and are excited to see how Dane will do. He knows how very hard and painful this will be and I am sure this will take everything he has to cross the finish line in Washington DC on Saturday. <strong><u>202 miles in about 48 hours!</u></strong> Obviously this will be a tremendous physical challenge that would exhaust most of us just thinking about it. But I believe that the greater challenge will be of the heart and mind and that is where you and I can be as bold as Dane.<br />
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I don't know if Dane will finish this event (and he would admit his own doubts) but I do know that he is and the people around him are better for his boldness. To be able to get himself to a place where he thinks that he <em>can</em> and actually <em>wants</em> to achieve this extraordinary feat is truly inspirational to me. Whether he finishes or not is not the point. The point is that Dane is exhibiting the exact kind of boldness that drives greatness. <br />
No matter what our "race" may be at this time or in the future I believe that we will face nothing that cannot be overcome (or at least managed well) with a healthy dose of boldness. Let others call us crazy and try and hold us back from being our best. That type of reaction, while not exactly helpful, is likely confirmation that we are on the right track.<br />
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Dane's attempt may seem crazy to some and for most it would be crazy to try but we each have something inside of us driving us to do something extraordinary--some battle, some effort, some dream. The question is: Are we listening? Do we say: "That's crazy!" and ignore the thought or do we believe that only the bold excel and act on it? <br />
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Being extraordinary requires the almost constant ability to adapt and change to the stuff of life. Change is hard but I believe that boldness--the true conviction to be amazing--is the key to overcoming the "hardness" of change and achieving one's very best.<br />
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I don't know where Dane will be at noon on Saturday--hopefully resting near the finish line in DC with a smile on his face--but I do know for sure that he can't accomplish this extraordinary run if he wasn't bold enough to start the race in the first place.<br />
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Go Dane!Adam Miles, BRIDGES Founderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05791059361729367910noreply@blogger.com0